Kids’ Party Politics

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I had many weekends of my 30’s blighted by the hell of children’s parties. Nevertheless, it has given me a brilliant insight into the lives of children and how many parents create monsters due to lack of discipline, accountability and most worryingly emotional intelligence. Therefore I was bemused, but not surprised listening to national news yesterday – when even Radio 4 were reporting (as their ‘dead donkey’) how a parent had sent an invoice for £15.95 to another parent when they failed to bring the child to her child’s ski party, despite saying that they were going to attend.

Although I do share the frustration of the mother putting on the party, I don’t think I would ever have gone that far. In addition, it isn’t really about the money, what if 10 children had said they were going and none of them had bothered to turn up? A memorable party for all of the wrong reasons.

The Hulk

My eldest child had a boy in his class with ‘anger management issues’ which translated to the kids – and us – that if he got angry, he had to get his own way otherwise he would get really angry, and like the Hulk, we wouldn’t like him when he was angry! I had a football party for the lads, they played football, had tea, and a couple of party games afterwards. This particular boy hated losing, and in the game of musical chairs he was most definitely out, but he didn’t want to be out, and I wouldn’t let him back into the game, because HE WAS OUT! Sure enough, he turned into the HULK, just as his mam came to collect him. I simply told her he was ‘out’, and hadn’t reacted well and left it at that. Incidentally, he is an only child with EVERYTHING money can buy. It was not about possessions or winning a prize, it was about how he ALWAYS got what HE wanted – no matter what. Not with me he didn’t!

On another occasion – (I KNOW, why did I put myself through it!) I had a bowling party. Another boy in the class who was extremely naughty, and totally spoilt. A child I had known since toddlers, where his mother had no control whatsoever of him even then. He would poke, push, spit, bite, and she would shrug her shoulders and say ‘What can you do?’ Well, you can at least TRY to stop him. Despite this, the kids actually liked him, and he was invited to parties. They had arrived at the party early. Rather than waiting for us all to turn up, the father started the game with the kid! I ended up having to wait until they were finished, and then having to pay for that game too! All because he dare not say no to him in case he misbehaves. He was 9 at the time. There will be a point in his life where they cannot give him what he wants – I don’t want to be there to see the fallout.

The very worst party was when my friend decided she would have a tea party for just six girls, and would I go and help. It needed four adult women to keep a grip on two of the six girls. They were hideous, spoilt, ill-mannered and disgustingly behaved, and probably the most depressing thing about it, was they were no fun, and didn’t have any fun themselves!

In no particular order:
Girl 1:
– Hated chocolate and made retching noises throughout the tea because there was one plate of crispies on the table – despite being told to stop.
– Announced she was finished – when all of the others were still eating – and said she was off upstairs to ‘have a look round’ – she didn’t make it to the door, and sat with a ‘face on’ for the rest of the tea.
– Screamed and screeched at the top of her voice if anyone else spoke – she only allowed them to speak when she decided…
When she was given her party back on the welcomed exit, she announced she hated pink, and she didn’t want it! And her mother let her stand and be that rude – leaving us no avenue to discipline her.
Girl 2:
– Held a sausage roll aloft and told me to ‘take it way, it was cold and she couldn’t eat such terrible food’
– Told us that she had the prettiest mummy, and how her mummy is MUCH prettier than all of us. (Incidentally, she isn’t!!)
– My friend has a large front lawn – this girl announced that she had a much bigger and better garden, a much bigger and better house, and much more money!
– Lisa had made a fantastic Fairy Mushroom cake – only for this girl to say it was so bad she couldn’t even work out what it was supposed to be, and even the candle wasn’t good enough, it looked like a one, when it was supposed to be a seven. (Cake wars is another blog all of its own!)
– At the birthday present opening, she announced that the birthday’s girl present was something someone had bought for her, but she didn’t like it so she wrapped it for her friend. Now, we have all been known to recycle presents on occasion, but there is no need to be so cruel in the process.

All in all a thoroughly miserable event, where these two spoilt and unpleasant girls ruined the party for their ‘friend’. With such blatantly horrible behaviour, what kind of problems are we storing up for society? I can guarantee, that at age 13 these parents will be sitting with teachers saying that they just ‘Don’t know what to do with them!’ and actually wonder why they are out of control when they have been given everything, without knowing the value of anything. The major issue is the absence of any emotional intelligence.

It does give you an insight into friendship – I said to my friend’s daughter when she was making her birthday list for her 10th birthday – Girl 2 was STILL on the list. When I pointed out that she was awful, picked on her at school, made her life a misery, had spoiled every party she had ever had. Her solution – she banned me from her party! She was very definitely determined to learn the hard way!

My other worst party for very different reasons, it was when one of the girls in my middle child’s class was having her first ever soft play party at 10 years old. Her parents were strange, and there were most definitely child protection issues. Lots of children didn’t go, but a few of us decided that we couldn’t do that to the poor girl and we sent them, and I got the short straw of staying. A very long two hours. The kids enjoyed it, and most importantly so did the little girl. The mam told me that they were giving her a party because they couldn’t afford a holiday. Imagine if none of the kids had turned up? Much to our relief, it wasn’t much longer before the children were sent to foster homes, and she has gone permanently to a decent home in a different town. Here the dilemma is even more difficult, you cannot risk your own children to try and ensure the happiness of others, but we must always strive to find a happy medium.

What can we learn from this?

Children’s parties are an excellent preparation for life – ie something you think you should enjoy, but other elements combine to ruin the fantasy. The kids mostly enjoy it, but they can be traumatic for parents on many different levels. Parents need to get a grip – have some emotional intelligence, empathy, and understanding, and most importantly avoid seeing these events as an extension of them – ie their opportunity to show off how great they are. Teach your child some manners, how to behave appropriately in different situations. Most importantly, think about what the kids would actually enjoy – this may even be not having to endure a party at all! Respect your child, if they don’t want a party, don’t make them have one, and if your child is invited to a party, and you have accepted the invite, have the good manners to tell the other parents if your child will not be attending the party after all!

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